There was no waiting on this one! part finale

November 13, 2008

I promise this is the last part. I have decided to cut some of the show out because if I do not I will never be able to write about my other adventures. Be sure to read the other parts before the finale.

So, our man with the single-hair chest takes a bow and the lights turn up. Mr. Hype Man, the host, skips onto the stage and has a brief chat with our entertainer. He banters with the crowd and does his best to hype us up. He has limited success with only a few cheers and waving of hand clappers. I smell desperation. They must do something to electrify this crowd. I am sure that they have run into this problem before and are prepared for anything. But, am I prepared for anything?
Mr. Hype Man disappears for a moment, when he returns to the stage he is holding a rather large…
Actually, let me fast forward to the act that follows and then return to what our hype man was carrying. I feel like this was the true finale of the show and don’t want to be anticlimactic.
Astronauts, aliens, or gymnasts; I am not exactly sure. There are two of them. I believe one is male and the other, a female. They wear silver-sparkle spandex lined with lightning-blue and no socks. Mr. Hype Man announces their entrance and the sound of eighties synth vibrates the hall. I remember playing this same song on my Casio. What an awesome Christmas present. Well, apparently the Casio has made it to China.
Contortionist! That’s what they are! Contortionist! Oh, look at ‘em contort! How painful. I am impressed. Definitely not something I would venture into but impressive none the less. The pair is twisting and turning and balancing and front bending and back bending. Secretly, I am hoping they fall. I’m kind of a jerk. It is just that I lost interest in their performance after about five minutes and we are now twenty minutes in.
I look over at the now sleeping Fei Fei and then give Marta the lets go nudge. We catch a cab and return home. What a night.
Back to Mr. Hype Man holding a rather large mug of beer, a stein, if you will. He holds it up to the crowd, and then sets it down at center stage. He says some words and the lights cut out. The drummer gives us a role and the portly rock super star stands over the mug, a single spot light shining down upon our hero! Arms raised and looking for praise. The crowd roars “Jiayou, Jiayou!” “You can do it!”
The great porker gets on all fours and wraps his mouth around the rim. Hype man shouts, “Gan Bei!” “Bottoms up!” Our hero leans back, eyes to the sky, and beer down the throat. The crowd is cheering! Clapping and smacking their hand clappers against their knees. I’m speechless. I was speechless then and I’m speechless now. I’m exhausted and have no way to respond to this. I have laughed as much as I can laugh, I have no more!
So, what can we conclude from this night, this adventure, this once in a life time experience?
First, it turns out that this would not be a once in a life time experience. Second, what was sold to me as an opera may have contained an opera performance but was in fact a variety show. A variety show, have you ever been to a variety show? Well, for those who have not, it is a must do.
Finally, I have concluded that a variety show is an immature form of entertainment. Variety shows are prevalent in developing societies. They are a way to develop the entertainment industry. Society uses variety shows to determine what they consider to be entertaining. The current generation in China is the first to have a surplus of money and time to spend. They want to be entertained and are perhaps uncertain of their own taste. How to discover a society’s taste in entertainment? The Variety Show!