Producing Guanpee

October 3, 2008

On the night of October 1, 2008 02:00 Mike wakes up in a cool, wet bed. He is confused and annoyed. He immediately drops his pants and moves to another bed. His crotch is dry. He did not pee himself. What happened?

18 hours earlier

06:00 Board the train at Kaifeng

10:00 Play go fish with nudie cards, attract a crowd

12:00 Pass the 25^th power pant

14:00 Pass the elevated bridge to nowhere

16:00 Arrive in Xi’an

16:10 Find the line to purchase return tickets

16:15 Confuse the man at the ticket counter with our broken Chinese

16:20 Get our tickets

16:25 Poop in the McDonalds bathroom

16:36 Head south from the North Gate

16:50 Pass the exceedingly large government building

17:20 Find the youth hostel

17:50 Stop at Starbucks and enjoy a Grande Americano, Travis does not enjoy said coffee. Steve drinks a girly Carmel Frappuccino.

18:10 Enter Muslim quarter

18:34 Do not find The Great Mosque, pass it many times

18:46 Find excellent Muslim grill

18:55 Eat delicious Muslim grilled food (Including Ostrich)

19:45 Return to hostel, poo

20:30 Find Bar Street

20:34 Find bum wine

20:39 Finish bum wine

20:43 Pass tittie bar

20:45 Enter sweet-ass hostel on Bar Street

20:47 Order beer and shots of whisky

20:49 Finish beer, finish shots

20:51 Return to Bar Street

20:56 Enter Captain’s

21:10 Meet Chinese students from Xi’an, they buy us beers

21:20 They buy us more beers

21:31 Students call it a night, we finish their beers

21:40 Meet a group celebrating their 10 year reunion

21:43 Mike goes for smokes

21:46 Travis and Steve drink an unknown amount of an unknown alcohol

21:50 Mike returns

22:57 Mike meets a Chinese student

22:59 Steve names Chinese student Chuck

23:02 Return to hostel on Bar Street

23:03 Travis, Steve, Chuck, and Mike take a seat at bar

23:04 Shots of Jack

23:05 Chugging beer

23:06 Uncertain

23:08 Move to a table, Chuck buys us beer

23:15 Steve talks to an Indian guy from Germany who had lived in China for three years and has returned to visit friends. He speaks perfect English.

23:18 Yuci invites us to club

23:19 Travis is missing, we do not go to club

23:45 Travis returns

23:50 Travis makes enemies

23:51 Mike, Steve, and Chuck do not understand

23:54 Travis yells something and runs out door never to return

23:55 Mike, Steve, and Chuck do not understand

00:07 Uncertain

00:11 Uncertain

00:21 Uncertain

00:24 Uncertain

00:31 Uncertain

00:45 Leave hostel

00:46 Mike falls over

00:48 Mike falls over again

00:52 Mike runs across the street

00:53 Chuck gives chase

00:54 Steve laughs out loud

00:57 Steve and Chuck drag me back home

01:01 Steve wrestles Mike into bed

01:02 Mike does not want to go to bed

01:04 Mike passes out

01:30 Steve needs to puke

01:31 Steve steps in conspicuous puddle

01:32 Steve pukes

02:00 Mike wakes up in a cool wet bed. He is confused and annoyed. He immediately drops his pants and moves to another bed. His crotch is dry. He did not pee himself.

09:30 Alarms ring, Mike mentions the unusual event and points at the wet bed.